Before jumping into the actual opinion for episodes 3-6 I want to clarify something because people may have a (little) misunderstanding regarding what Do Hyun’s mother said. In episode 6, she never says ‘her’ she says ‘child’ when she sees the “I am Nana” message – she actually says “It can’t be that Do Hyun remembers that child?” but I’ve seen translations on different streaming sites that had ‘her’ in place of ‘child’, so people think that the lost child is Ri Jin when there are no clear evidence of such sort.
Since that problem is cleared out, watching these 4 episodes I’m starting to get interested in the DID, Co-Consciousness and Multiplicity subject. As I already said it in my previews post regarding this drama, the grandmother with her constant way of putting the blame on Do Hyun on what happened in the past moreover with the trauma experienced at that time, he is in a cage feeling like a dull light. We all already know that Do Hyun alter egos are a result of the trauma he suffered in the past and this is a way for him to lock those events somewhere and in this case, his locker is Se Gi because he is the one who witnessed what happened. Do Hyun’s multiplicity is the result of the fire that happened years back thus the other personalities.
Actually as I learned more about DID lately, I’ve got to read an interesting thing where of course it explained a lot about this syndrome; Do Hyun’s change to Se Gi or any of the other personalities is a form of freezing his “self” to feel secured. Although Do Hyun refers to the other personalities as “the others” or “they/him”, all of the personalities aren’t different people, he is one together with them since they are more like what’s missing from him or what he desires to obtain and some are feelings he lacks from people around, yet he still has all that.
Multiple times Do Hyun stated that he has to clean Se Gi’s mess, it’s actually harder the other way around since Se Gi has to take and feel the inner struggle of Do Hyun from the past and from the present. What I want to say is that Do Hyun switches to the “others” every time he is in a certain state and it’s different for each one of them. For example if Se Gi is around he disappears when Do Hyun feels safe, and it’s the other way around when Do Hyun gets angry, Se Gi appears. Also when Do Hyun was feeling lost/insecure Yoo Sub appeared. To some people with DID, the alter part may be triggered by a smell or a memory but it may also be as Do Hyun’s case, when certain (bad or negative) emotions take over him, he also switches to one of his ‘other’ personalities. For example, when Se Gi kissed Ri Jin at the amusement park, he was in a state of calam thus Do Hyun appeared and took over the body. Considering that DID is highly associated with child trauma therefore Se Gi, Yoo Sub, Ferry and the rest are a form of defense mechanism for Do Hyun.
Until now, I was thinking that Do Hyun is mostly an introverted person, but he is like that mostly because he is conscious of his environment considering his past. He is responsible and thoughtful on the other hand Se Gi is arrogant and always speaks his mind. Actually there isn’t much difference between Se Gi and Do Hyun, they are both pretty similar just that one desires to freely express himself when the other one wants to shut himself up, other than this they are pretty similar when it comes to other people or connecting with other people yet they do it in different manner. Just that Se Gi had the memories Do Hyun doesn’t want to remember. Moreover I’m thinking that the words Se Gi is telling Do Hyun about putting him in a cage is actually the state in which Do Hyun lives in, he feels like his life is a cage where eyes are looking at him from all sides – Uncle, cousin and grandmother.
There is a certain thing that I really love when I watch dramas, the psychology behind the colors. I actually used this type of analysis when I used to write the “One Warm Word” so I’m going to give it a try once more. Probably by now, everyone noticed that when Do Hyun switches to the other personalities, his eyes take a different color for each one of them.
First is Se Gi – he has the color dark blue. Out of the most meanings people know about the word ‘blue’ is the overly used expression ‘feeling blue’ when someone is sad or depressed. Blue brings out loneliness however this color is a combination of inner security and confidence since most of the time is assumed to be useful for reducing stress. The psychological meaning is that the color blue is reliable and responsible but always speaks the truth sprinkled with the desire to succeed. Some of the negative characteristics of this color are: being spiteful, being sad, indicated manipulation, ambiguous and emotionally unstable. On the other hand, the good features include: responsibility, perseverance, idealistic, fidelity and trust.
Our tacky Perry has the color that represents the physical comfort – brown. Most of the times, brown is associated with Earth and anything produced by the land from agriculture. With this color, we also get some interesting information that may give an idea of how Perry actually is. For example, the negative features are: lack of sophistication cheap and stingy. Compared to the positive features are: honest, gives stability and peace.
The suicidal personality, Yoo Sub is the color green and it’s actually really interesting that they gave him this color because at first it may raise an eyebrow since normally green represents balance. But a lot of times the color green is associates with spring and this season possesses the meaning of rebirth and a new start – since Yoo Sub is the suicidal personality it kind of makes sense – in a way or another. Green is also considered to help lift depression and even reduces anxiety.
Negative characteristics are: inexperience, greedy, immaturity however the positive characteristics: renewal, youthfulness. There is one feature of the color green that I don’t know in what category to put it and that is the “need to belong”. Not sure if it was intentional, but when Do Hyun switched to Yoo Sub and he had the illusion with Ri Jin in the basement – she had a green sweater on.
Now I wonder if the writer or the producer choose the colors randomly or just to have a connection with the actual personality because I’m not sure if I’m going too deep into this matter, however Perry and Yoo Sub are connected by their colors since brown represents Earth and green can also mean eternal life.
There is also another thing I’ve been thinking about. A lot of people are starting to believe that Ri Jin is the lost child however I stand to disagree. I feel that Oh Ri On is the ‘lost’ child of the family and he probably knows it too because in the first episodes he actually said it at some point that maybe he is a chaebol and although he said it as a joke to Oh Ri Jin, somehow now it doesn’t seem like one at all. And probably he wants to reveal the truth by writing that novel. Even if the writer kind of makes Ri Jin seem like the lost child, it would’ve been too easy and maybe the writer is trying to make us guess between the two siblings so I will take my pick, it’s Ri On.
At some point, although Ri Jin said that she is also scared of basements and fires as Do Hyun, she says that Ri On is the same. So this whole thing made me think if maybe the 3 children Do Hyun, Ri On and Ri Jin were at the same time and at the same place in the basement when the fire incident happened in the past.
All in all, “Kill me heal me” is intriguing and I’m waiting to see what they’ll come up with next. Hopefully I didn’t look too much into everything ….